|
Skip to: When
it’s Over for Rover (How to handle the death of a pet with your children)
●
10 Commandments (What Kind Of Sport Parent Are You?)
●
Unplugged Play
●
Things You Swore You Would Never Do
●
Kids and Airplanes ●
Summer Camp Preparation ●
Play Ball ● Summer
Road Trips ● Top Five
Annoying Things our Kids Say or Do ●
Being There ●
It's All About Character
Angels at my Door
When my children were babies, they would often interact with someone not present in the room. They would look at one spot and giggle and coo like someone was tickling them or making funny faces. When my youngest was old enough to talk, I asked him,
“Do the angels talk to you?”
“Yes,” he said.
“What do they say?” I asked.
He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “God Yuves Me.”
I believe spirituality comes naturally to children. They are quick to believe in things that aren’t seen. This became very evident when reading a little book titled “Angels at My Door”. It was written and illustrated by children who have been directly impacted by AIDS. Deborah Jung, co-author and founder of “Kids Who Care” a non-profit theatre group, says that children, regardless of circumstances, believe in angels. “There was no question in their minds that angels exist” says Jung. “Some of the kids focused on a traditional, heavenly kind of angel, but most of them shared or wrote about angels with feet and flesh -- people in their lives who provided them with inspiration, help and hope.”
Taylor was fifteen when she wrote the following:
“My Angel. She’s fighting a battle. She is very pretty with her charcoal black hair and her honey brown eyes. She has the most beautiful caramel color skin I have ever seen. She is my Angel and she is going to win this battle.”
It is my prayer that Taylor will sustain her faith in angels. Unfortunately, as we get older, it becomes increasingly difficult to recognize the angels in our midst. They get covered up by the 6 o’clock news or blocked by our personal hurts and disappointments. Still, I think that we as parents, can help our children maintain a spiritual perspective by taking some steps to maintain this important connection.
Pray
I think it starts here – with prayer. In addition, I don’t think prayer should be limited to mealtimes and bedtimes. When your child is sad or angry, sit down and say a prayer together. Encourage your child to participate in the prayer and let them know that prayer is a great way to have a conversation with God.
Find a Community
Even if you’re not big on organized religion, I believe there is value in participating in fellowship with other like-minded people. In addition, your child can interact with other individuals and allow their influence to further shape spiritual understanding. That way, you are not the only one defining spirituality for your children.
Practice What You Preach
This seems like an obvious one. However, I think parents need to be very intentional about how their actions support their beliefs. Bottom line, kids are going to put more stock in how you behave versus what you say. If you emphasize the importance of being compassionate to others, let your children witness and participate in small acts of kindness. Whether it is a meal for the homeless or flowers to an elderly neighbor, these thoughtful gestures will help shape their character.
Find the Teachable Moments
I read a recent article on this subject and was impressed with the idea of having a puppet show serve as a method to teach spirituality to our kids (Miller, 2007). In our house, we play something called the “Manner Game” in our home. Using stuffed animals as puppets, we make up a scene in which manners are not being properly used. For example, Blue Bear does not share his ball with Grey Bunny. Grey Bunny is sad and hops away crying. After we discuss how we think God would want Blue Bear to behave, the scene is repeated with Blue Bear and Grey Bunny happily playing ball together. There are countless teachable moments. Coloring, reading, listening to music, going on a nature hunt and even watching movies or TV can all serve as opportunities for spiritual lessons. Recently, I had a long conversation with my son about Star Wars. We discussed “The Force” and how Luke Skywalker and Han Solo used it to defeat Evil and accomplish great things.
Although still not convinced, I would love to think that angels speak to our little ones. They remind us of what is important: Faith in the unseen - Faith in the notion of hope - Faith in the presence of angels.
“Each angel walked through the door with a grace that became a part of me. And so we lived together from that time on; each angel, each blessing, each grace. And healing began where I needed it most. In my soul.”
~~~~~~~~
When it’s Over for Rover:
How to handle the death of a pet with your children
We get talked into it. They look at us with those sad
little eyes and whimper, “Mommy, can I please have a
goldfish”. We believe them when they promise to take
care of it and clean the bowl every-other day. Sane,
rational people will yield to a child’s plea and bring
“pets” home that you would otherwise call an
exterminator and evacuate the house. What’s worse is
that we fail to fast-forward and visualize ourselves
standing in front of a toilet and offering an impromptu
eulogy before sending “Goldie” to his watery grave.
Few families can escape the pain
associated with the loss of a pet. I will never forget
the day my older brother broke the news that my beloved
dog had died. At the age of 8, it was the first time I
had come face-to-face with the reality of death. I
couldn’t be comforted and cried myself to sleep. For
days, I would pray that there was a heaven for dogs and
tried to visualize Captain with little angel wings
flying around the golden gates. A few months later, a
new puppy entered our family. We grew to love her and
once again, cried when it was time to say goodbye.
As in my case, the death of a
family pet is often a child’s first encounter with this
painful fact of life. We, as parents, have the
heartbreaking responsibility of explaining this law of
nature to our children. What’s worse, how we handle this
situation can have a life-long impact on our child’s
understanding of death and dying. This is not something
to take lightly and there are some specific things you
can do to help children manage the pain associated with
the loss of a beloved pet.
1. Don’t Lie
It is so tempting to say that “Buddy went to live
somewhere else” or that “Mittens ran away”. Kids will
pray for a safe return of their pet and be preoccupied
with the notion that their faithful friend is lost,
scared or afraid. In addition, kids take things
literally and may not understand the notion that a pet
was “put to sleep”. Let your child know that their pet
has died and explain what dying means.
2. Memorialize your Pet
There are creative things you can do to memorialize your
child’s pet. Some people plant a tree in a specific area
of the yard, or have a special ceremony in his honor.
Other ideas include working with your child on a photo
album or scrap book that captures some of the special
memories. Finally, you as a family can make a donation
to a local shelter in honor of your family friend.
3. Tell Your Child’s Teacher or other Caregivers
It is important to inform your child’s teacher or other
caregivers about the loss of a pet. This will allow them
to be sensitive to your child if he exhibits signs of
sadness or anger.
4. Read a Book
There are many books out there that deal with the loss
of a pet. These books can provide comfort for kids of
all ages. Some of my favorites include:
a. “Goodbye Mousie”
b. “The Tenth Good Thing about Barney”
c. “Jasper’s Day”
d. “Saying Goodbye to Lulu”
You may be tempted to rush out and buy another pet in
order to ease your child’s pain. I encourage you to hold
off until your child has expressed an interest in
another animal and your family is prepared to welcome a
new member into the family. Finally, it is important to
remember that we as parents are grieving also. Do your
best to guide your child through this process, but don’t
expect to be perfect. Ask for help from friends and
relatives and remember, the more you help yourself cope,
the more you will be able to assist your child with his
grief.
~~~~~~~~
10 Commandments (What
Kind Of Sport Parent Are You?)
It’s the last soccer game of the season. Finally, my son
has possession of the ball. This is a momentous event
and I cheer as he runs towards the goal. “GO COLTON!! GO
COLTON!! YOU CAN DO IT!! RUN!! RUN!!” All of a sudden,
everything stops. Colton stops and the other team stops.
Confused, I look around and see the ref running towards
me and yelling “GET OFF THE FIELD!!”
In my excitement, I realized I
had been running beside my son, on the field towards the
goal. The coaches, players and parents were all staring
at me in disbelief. The worst part was seeing the horror
or my husband’s face. He pulled me off the field and
yelled “You are one of those freak soccer moms that
everyone talks about! What is wrong with you?!”
Since then, I have contained my
enthusiasm at sporting events. I still cheer the
loudest, but I stay on the sidelines or behind the
backstop. I have had to learn that good sportsmanship in
kids starts with the parents. As a result, I am offering
the 10 Commandments for Sports Moms and Sports Dads.
1. Treat Officials with
Respect
Even if the ref seems blind and refuses to acknowledge
the two-times your kid was obviously fouled, refrain
from screaming, shouting or spitting. Keep in mind that
your view from the sidelines could be quite different
from inside the rink.
2. Be Honest About Athletic
Abilities
It is pointless and potentially
harmful to tell your child that he’s great baseball
player when he never makes it to first base. Be honest
about his skill level and don’t pump him up with false
feedback about his abilities. It can be more devastating
for him to learn the truth from taunting teammates or
frustrated coaches. Make him aware of his strengths and
don’t pretend his limitations don’t exist.
3. Don’t Compare
Okay, I know it’s impossible not
to feel the sting with Soccer Susie scores three goals
before your little girl gets off the sidelines. However,
try not to compare the athletic skills of other children
with your kid – at least not in her hearing range.
4. Leave the Coaching to the
Coach
Especially before, during and
after the game. You’re poor kid has endured double
overtime and doesn’t need a lecture on the way home from
the game. He’s getting enough feedback from teammates
and the coaches and doesn’t need any more advice.
Parental coaching is appropriate when the real coach
isn’t present – like in your backyard or at the park.
5. Don’t Distract the Players
during the Game
I have been personally called
down for this. Overly zealous, well-intentioned parents
can be distracting if they are cheering too loudly,
taunting the other team, or barking commands from the
sidelines. You want to show your support, but you don’t
want to be a spectacle.
6. Remember It’s Not About
You Just because you were an
All-Star soccer player or the head cheerleader, you
can’t expect the same level of performance from your
kids. If, on the other hand, you were a bench warmer on
the third-string team, try not to create an athletic
career to replace the one you never had. Let’s keep it
about the kids.
7. Be Prepared
It seems like every time I
attend a sporting event, a glove gets left behind or a
helmet is missing. Make sure you have a designated area
in your home for all things sports. Have a check-list
that you refer to before every practice or game.
8. Practice What you Preach
We grew up familiar slogans like
“It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose” or “Winning
isn’t everything” or “It’s Just a Game”. However, for
kids it’s difficult not to take it seriously when they
see their parents scream at the ref, argue with the
coach and cry at a missed field goal. Remember, it
really is just a game and not a matter of life and
death.
9. Promote Courage
Let’s face it… it’s intimidating
facing a pitcher and fearing a strike out, or worse a
ball in the face. Being afraid or nervous is expected in
these intense situations. Remind your kids that being
afraid is normal and that courage is not the absence of
fear, but doing something in spite of the fear.
10. Appreciate Their Efforts
Your child is already feeling
like a loser when he fumbles the ball or misses the
field goal. The worse thing you can do is express your
disappointment because of their sporting mistakes. Your
child needs to know that win or lose, you love her and
appreciate her efforts.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s difficult not to get
carried away and allow your emotions to interfere with
good sportsmanship. If things get too intense, try some
of these stress busters:
1. Go to the
Concession Stand
Nothing calms you down like tortilla chips with
plastic looking cheese and some Skittles. Take a
break and walk around. The physical activity
will serve as a good adrenaline release.
2. Watch from a
Distance
If you can’t
bear to see your child strike out for the third
time, watch from a distance so that no one can
see you cry
3. Get a Job
Be the
scorekeeper or videotaper. Having a mental chore
will keep your pulse level and your emotions in
check.
Bottom line, remember this is for fun. Yes
Fun! If you and your child have played three seasons
without any fun, then maybe it’s time to take up another
activity. There are always openings in the chess club!
~~~~~~~~
Unplugged Play
If it were up to my eight-year-old, he would happily
spend an entire day rotating between video games and TV
watching. He would choose screen time over family time,
baseball time, meal time and practically any other time
including bathroom time. Once, he was hopping around so
much, I insisted he take a break on behalf of mother
nature. “But Mom, I can hold it just until I get the new
high score!”
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids
should not spend more than two hours per day watching TV
or playing video games. But the truth is, most kids
spend three times the recommended limit in front of the
screen.
So if parents know that too much TV is not a good thing,
why are kids continuing to spend their days on a coach
exercising nothing more than their thumbs? Bobbie
Conner, author of “Unplugged Play” says that “parents
are making a mistake by saying ‘No’ to TV time when the
really need to be saying ‘Yes’ to other options.” Conner
emphasizes that kids need some coaching from their
parents on different activities that inspire creativity
and interaction. “You can’t just leave kids to their own
devices. You need to give them a few ideas and provide a
little demo and then get out of the way.”
Bobbi Conner’s book is filled with over 700 games and
activities that require no batteries and no plugs. Most
of the activities she provides involves items that you
already have in your home. For example, she provides
suggestions for finding a productive use with something
as annoying as junk mail. Toddlers can open envelopes,
play post office and even cut out coupons. Another
clever idea is making homemade bean bags out of socks
and dried lentils. A laundry basket or grocery sacks are
wonderful targets for your kids to shoot while you’re
making dinner.
Many of Conner’s activities also require movement. Games
such as Musical Island (a version of Musical Chairs
involving Hula Hoops) and Spaghetti and Meatballs
(involving a colander and ping pong balls) keep kids
active and interactive. According to Conner, excessive
screen time can have harmful consequences. “We have an
obesity crisis in this country. So many kids are
overweight and inactive because they spend so much time
sitting.” Conner goes on to say that children are not
using imaginations which can limit long-term creative
development. She says, “creativity and problem solving
is on the decline because kids are doing pre-programmed
games.” Another concern involves a lack of relationship
skills. “If you and I were kids and we were playing, you
would start to understand verbal and nonverbal cues. You
would learn when I am mad and when I am happy. But if
one of us is sitting in front of a computer, interaction
is gone.”
So when it comes down to it, You Are What You Do. If you
act like a couch potato, your body and mind will adjust
accordingly. It’s the same for your kids. When our
children our young, we still have some power to teach
them appropriate habits. Let’s get them out from in
front of the screen and into activities that make them
what they’ll want to be—active, creative, minds in
healthy bodies—just the sort of people they see on TV.
~~~~~~~~
Things You Swore You Would Never
Do: A Commentary
I always thought I would be a mom someday. However, I
was not going to be one of those moms that drove a
minivan. I was way to cool for that. When my first born
arrived, I remained true to that commitment and drove an
SUV that was so big I kept running into things because I
couldn’t see over the dash board. It cost me $65 to fill
the tank and I had to use a step stool to get behind the
wheel – but hey, at least it didn’t have sliding doors.
When child #2 came into this
world, I relinquished my “cool mom” status and finally
succumbed to the convenience of the minivan.
Swearing to never drive a
minivan is one of several declarations that clueless,
childless women make. There are other preconceived
notions that are often abandoned once the realities of
parenting sink in.
1.
I’LL NEVER…Let my child eat junk
food You start out okay. Buying the
puréed vegetable baby foods and
feeling triumphant when you child
eats so many carrots that his nose
turns orange. You feel confident
that you can avoid the allure of the
Golden Arches and offer your child
tofu burgers instead However, time
constraints and an emerging picky
eater make it difficult to avoid the
drive-through temptation. An
occasional chicken nugget will not
ruin her chances of ever eating
vegetables again.
2. I’LL NEVER …Allow my
kids to watch TV Before baby arrives, you’re prepared
with classics like “Goodnight Moon” and are ready to
introduce your little one to “Baby Einstein”. There is
no need to infect their little minds with television and
video games. You convinced yourself that you can
entertain them with educational toys and interactive
play. However, you quickly learn that it is difficult to
do this consistently when there is laundry to be done.
Now I’m not saying use the boob-tube as a baby-sitter.
However, you can stop feeling guilty and make peace with
yourself that an hour of television every now and then
won’t have any lasting effects and it could save your
sanity.
3.
I’LL NEVER… Give my kids Barbies or toy
weapons Not wanting your little girl to
have body image issues before she is 4
is the rationale you use for refusing to
allow her to play with Ms. Skinny
Minnie. However, you finally realize
that playing with Barbies is not about
role models or the proportions of her
figure, it’s more about changing the
clothes over and over again. And for the
mothers of boys, how many times have you
said that “my son with never play with
weapons” only to have your sweet toddler
grab a block and bonk it on your head. I
finally gave up with Star Wars was
introduced. No matter how hard I tried,
a Care Bear could not compete with a
Light Saber.
Now don’t be too hard on yourself. You are not a failure
as a mother because jobs, errands, and life in general
interfere with good intentions. More than likely, your
child will turn out just fine even if you once said,
“I’ll Never…”
~~~~~~~~
It's all about character
I am not a big movie
quoter – no, I leave that job to the male species that
still get a kick out of quoting Caddy Shack or Animal
House. But occasionally, I get inspired by an on-screen
moment and relive it in my mind.
One of my favorite movies is “American
President”. Do you remember it? It starred Michael
Douglas and Annette Benning. At the end of his first
term as president, Andrew Sheppard (Michael Douglas) has
an affair with Sydney Allen Wade (Annette Benning). It
was not a Monica Lewinsky kind of affair. President
Sheppard was a widower – so this romance did not involve
wagging fingers or a blue dress. Still, in the movie,
Sheppard is attacked by his chief critic and rival for
the presidency, Senator Rumson (played by Richard
Dreyfuss), who accuses him of lacking character. In a
dramatic ending, Sheppard’s response was this: “For the
last couple of months, Senator Rumson has suggested that
being president of this country was, to a certain
extent, about character, and although I have not been
willing to engage in his attacks on me, I've been here
three years and three days, and I can tell you without
hesitation: Being President of this country is entirely
about character.”
To me character is about having the motivation
to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. It
means treating others with respect, kindness, and
compassion. When it comes to life lessons – I would rank
“character” pretty much at the top. Parents should be
thoughtful when teaching or demonstrating lessons of
character. Here are a few tips:
Volunteer:
Our kids are growing up in a “me” generation where
Superstores and the Internet have eliminated the notion of delayed
gratification. Still one of the best ways to instill character in a child is to
get them outside of themselves and introduce them to the larger world. In
addition, approaching others with compassion and service will result in greater
concern for mankind. Finally, volunteering will assist them in maintaining
perspective, balance, and gratitude for their personal blessings.
Insist on Honesty
For kids and
grown-ups alike,
lies are the
result of fear.
Fear of
rejection,
disappointment
and failure. By
insisting on
Honesty, you are
empowering your
child to possess
the courage to
face their fears
and build
personal
responsibility
that will keep
them accountable
for their
actions.
Teach Tolerance
Teaching kids to
respect others
and accept - and
even celebrate
differences – is
key when
building
character.
Parents can
practice
tolerance by
reading books
and watching
movies that
highlight
different
cultures. In
addition,
encouraging your
kids to learn a
different
language or
participate in
play groups with
a wide diversity
of kids will go
far in
developing
cultural
tolerance.
Find Teachable Moments
In the carpool
line, vegging on
the couch or at
the dinner
table, there are
countless
opportunities
for teachable
moments. It
boils down to
communication –
identifying
situations to
spark family
discussions on
important
issues. You can
use these
moments to
identify ways of
facing
situations with
responsibility,
kindness, and
compassion.
Give Them Time
We, as parents,
are the number
one influence
and the number
one role model
for our kids.
Time is the
greatest gift
you can give to
our children.
Time together
will foster the
security a child
needs when
developing their
own identity. In
my opinion, meal
time is an ideal
time to share as
a family. Get
this – it really
doesn’t matter
if you’re
whipping out the
homemade goods
or if it’s Pizza
Night that is
delivered to the
door. When it
comes to
building
character – time
around the table
is a great way
to build family
time, find
teachable
moments, speak
honestly and
encourage
tolerance.
So indulge me as I quote another famous
person. Like Andrew Sheppard in “American President”,
she made her mark in history as a tenant of the White
House and as a humanitarian to millions. Eleanor
Roosevelt said, “People grow through experience if they
meet life honestly and courageously. This is how
character is built.”
~~~~~~~~
Being There…
I HATE flying. I hate airports. I hate security. I hate
being 3,000 feet in the air without a net. I hate
airplane food. I hate the teeny, tiny, itty, bitty
bathrooms. In general I really HATE flying.
However, the one and only redeeming factor of flying has
to be the magazines. I figure if I am going to be stuck
up in the air sitting next to God-knows-who, I need to
have as many magazines as possible to get me through the
food, the turbulence, and the screaming kids (often my
screaming kids).
People Magazine is my favorite. Now I hope that
doesn’t disappoint anyone, but I must confess, I love
all of the celebrity gossip. I get a kick out of seeing
what Posh is wearing or if Jessica Simpson is still
hanging out with a Cowboy from Dallas. I’m not proud of
it – but I really like getting the latest celebrity
dirt.
So while perusing the pages of my seedy magazine, I came
across a quote from Will Smith that stopped me in my
tracks (with my seatbelt securely fastened). It was a
brief interview, but I found his words insightful.
“While making the film ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’ my son
Jaden, who was my costar, and I got to spend every
single day, 10 to 12 hours a day, together. It became
clear that whatever you have financially doesn’t matter.
Whatever situation you’re in, it doesn’t matter. You
have to be there. You have to be with your child….To be
able to spend that many hours a day together, our bond
took off in a way that I never imagined.”
I went through a similar experience with my kids. I took
an entire week off of work and spent that time almost
exclusively with my boys. I planned very few activities
and mainly was present. Simply available to them for a
game a cards, or to toss the football or watch a movie.
I got to tell you – at times it wasn’t easy. Let’s just
say playing with light sabers and watching Sponge Bob is
not my idea of a swell time. I had a few breaks and
slipped in an episode of Oprah once or twice. Still, I
tried to stay pretty focused. I think spending time with
your kids is the best way to express your love. When you
demonstrate that you value and desire time with your
children, they will grow up feeling secure, connected,
and most importantly, loved.
By the time I had to return to work, all of us were
pretty sad. Still, by far, I took it the worst. I got
teary when I tucked them in to bed that night. My little
one, my four-year-old, whispered to me, “Don’t forget
mommy, you’re always in my heart.”
I am about to board another plane tomorrow. I will come
fully stocked with my
People Magazine as well as other reads to pass
the time. My kids won’t be with me during this brief
trip – and that makes me sad. Still, I am comforted
knowing that my boys know how much their mommy loves
them….I know they do because I took the time to tell
them and to show them.
~~~~~~~~
Top Five Annoying Things our Kids Say or Do
I love my kids. You love your kids. We love them every
second of every day, and that will never change. But do
we like them just as often? Even the cutest,
freckled-faced little boy or girl can really get under
our skin when they whine about not going to bed or talk
back in front of other grown-ups.
I am in an informal Moms Club that gets together
every-other Friday night. Our children play while we gab
and drink wine. We spend much of our time talking about
our husbands and our kids and commiserate on their
grating habits. Although I reserve the right to document
the frustrating antics of men for another article, for
now, I have collected the votes and am submitting for
your review the Top Five Most Annoying Things our Kids
Say or Do.
Number 5: Saying “I’m Bored!”
We clearly live in a society where children are used to
being entertained. Sometime in my lifetime the choices
of television programs available at any one time went
from 3 to 3000. Internet, video games, computers, and
other electronics don’t help the situation either.
Here’s the bad news. It’s not our kids’ fault. Think
about it—as kids, we were the same way…“Mom, the
President is on all three channels! What are we going to
DO?”
What I have to remember as a parent is that I don’t have
to fix every problem my kid has, especially this one.
It’s another case for being prepared. Before your kid
gets bored, sit down with her and make a list of all the
choices they have for activities—games, cards, coloring,
toys, reading, music—all that don’t involve electronics
or other outside help. In addition, include some
physical activities like shooting baskets, washing the
car, or jumping rope. Don’t get me wrong, TV and video
games can offer some respite from boredom, but it should
not be the only outlet. Make sure your kids have a
variety of weapons to battle the boredom.
Number 4: Not Sharing
Whether they’re youngest, oldest, or somewhere in the
middle, most kids are going to resist sharing at one
time or another. It’s normal human nature, and I may
even see it in myself occasionally with my morning Diet
Coke. The “mine” syndrome your toddler exhibits, for
example, is not about being selfish, or spoiled. It has
to do with the fact that objects at this age are like a
part of themselves. In their little minds, sharing means
giving things up forever. That’s where parents come in.
Make sure your child knows that the object is not going
away forever. In some cases, we find it useful to set a
timer between turns. If arguing persists, we tend to
remove the object entirely so that nobody “wins.” This
works best, I have found, when I follow up with a new
idea or activity to facilitate their interest.
Number 3. Talking Back
In our home, there is really no appropriate situation
for a child to speak disrespectfully to an adult. In
fact, we are probably more sensitive than many about how
our children speak to each other. This may come from the
fact that both my husband and I are the babies of our
families, and took more than our share of teasing.
Regardless, talking back or being sassy should never be
tolerated. A parent needs to establish behavior
expectations and stick to them. Make sure your kids know
that talking that way will NOT get them the outcome they
are seeking.
The rest of the responsibility, once again, comes back
to the behavior your kids see everyday. Have you caught
an episode of teen-centered TV lately? When is the last
time you actually sat through an entire PG-13 movie? How
you and your spouse speak to each other, to other
adults, and to the children, are also examples that your
kids are prone to follow. Keep in mind that little ears
are always open—like when you’re on the phone to your
girlfriend, dropping occasional gossip, or when you’re
interacting verbally with people in the community—or in
your car…
Do your best to demonstrate better ways of
communicating, or get creative with their toys and
perform a little Role Play about using better manners in
different situations. It works great at our house. My
kids even request the Manner Game at bedtime.
Number 2: Throwing a Tantrum
Temper tantrums can be hard on parents and kids. The
child is clearly upset, parents get frustrated and
embarrassed, particularly if their little darling is
acting up in a public place. Although temper tantrums
are normal part of development, they’re never fun. Try
to remember these two tips:
A. The child is the one with the emotional crisis at
the moment. Keep it that way. If you stay calm, you can
defuse the situation more readily. If you freak out, now
you have two problems.
B. A tantrum typically means your child is seeking
attention—give him yours, but only yours. If at all
possible, remove the child from the situation as soon as
possible to reduce the power the tantrum has to affect
the child’s environment. Go outside. Go to the car. Go
home.
C. Once the crisis is over, look back to see what you
could do to avoid the tantrum in the future—perhaps
sticking to a routine and making sure your child is
well-rested will help.
Number 1: Whining
Without question, whining was a universal complaint. For
me, it is the number one most annoying thing my kids do.
One way to handle whining is to ignore it as much as
possible. If it stops, do a little happy dance in the
kitchen on your own. If it escalates into a tantrum,
refer to #2 above. If the whining persists, first and
foremost – do NOT give in to what they’ve been whining
about. That’s the quickest way to have the
“whinebulence” come through your house even more
frequently. Instead, let your child know that you cannot
understand him when he uses his whiny voice and
encourage him to use his “big boy” voice. I have also
found it helpful to demonstrate what it sounds like to
whine. This is more often effective when my husband is
not home, because he tried to put me in Time Out once.
If you have that freedom, let your child hear how
annoying whining actually sounds. And don’t be afraid to
exaggerate just a little…
By the way, that Manner Game I mentioned before is also
very effective when it comes to managing a whining
child. Using stuffed animals, I typically give two
examples of the same story, one with a whining main
character and one with a main character who uses his
“big boy” voice to express the same issues he’s been
whining about. At the end, I ask my kids which one did
it right…even my 3-year old gets it right. Every time.
~~~~~~~~
Kids and Airplanes
It’s hard to know what’s worse, Snakes on a Plane or
Children on a Plane (my money is on the children). For
parents, there is nothing more anxiety producing then
boarding a plane with your kids. You feel the tension
from other passengers as they pray not to be sitting
anywhere near your family. Often, your worst nightmare
comes true and the screaming begins shortly after take
off and continues until the plane touches down.
Recently, a Massachusetts family was escorted off of a
plane when they couldn’t get their child in her seat
quickly enough before take-off. How humiliating! Parents
are being judged not only for the kids’ behavior but the
methods they use to get their kids under control.
Unfortunately, a swift swat on the bottom or threats to
take toys away may not be well received by onlookers.
One of the first things I would suggest is to change our
perspective on what it means to have a “successful”
flight. If parents are expecting their kids to sit
quietly and flip-through the in-flight magazine for two
and a half hours, they will be disappointed. More than
likely, kids are going to be restless and whiney during
some portions of the flight. However, preparation before
you board the plane will result in a more bearable
in-air experience. Some steps include:
1. Schedule flights during nap time
2. Plan Activities such as coloring books or portable
DVDs
3. Bring Snacks and blankets from home
4. Move Around whenever possible
When the seat belt is not illuminated, use that time to
walk the aisles or take trips to the bathroom. The
biggest challenge for kids is having to sit in one
location for long periods of time. Periodically walking
around the plane will not be too disruptive – unless
you’re blocking the beverage cart.
Another clever idea involves using a sticker chart to
track their progress during the flight. For example,
every 30 minutes, your child can select a sticker to
place on a rewards chart. If the chart is full by the
end of the flight, your child gets treated to a special
surprise at landing.
I love that idea, but wish something like that could be
created for moms. Maybe every 30 minutes that you keep
from losing it, you can be rewarded a cocktail. By the
time you land, you’ll be relaxed enough to handle your
spastic children and your husband at baggage claim.
~~~~~~~~
SUMMER CAMP
PREPARATION
For kids across the state of Texas, school is out and
for many this means the start of Summer Camp. But before
you get out the bug spray and dust off the sleeping bag,
parents and kids should take some time to prepare for
the summer send-off, especially if this is your child’s
first Summer Camp experience.
Ann Sheets, National President of the American Camping
Association (ACA) shared some insights about the process
of sending a child to camp. She emphatically stated, “a
child should not be ‘sent’ to camp.” She explained, “a
child should be involved in the decision making process
about whether they are ready for camp and which camp
they want to attend. This decision needs to be based on
their interests more than their parents’ preconceived
notion of camp. With over 12,000 accredited camps in the
United States, there is a camp suited for every child.”
Other things parents need to know before filling the
back-pack include:
1. Philosophy of the Camp
What are their core beliefs and how are they emphasized?
What are they trying to accomplish? What types of
activities are planned? The answers to the basic
questions must be communicated to your child before he
leaves on his first camp adventure. This will allow your
family to make an informed decision on whether this camp
is right for your child.
2. Counselor to Camper Ratio
According to the American Camping Association
(www.acacamps.org), the recommended ratio between
counselor to camper varies according to age. For
children ages 7 and 8: 1 to 6 (one staff member for
every six campers) For children ages 9 to 14: 1 to 8 For
children 15 to 17: 1 to 10 (except when it comes to
boys. In my opinion, more than two teenage boys in one
cabin could be problematic!)
3. Staff Training
How are camp staff trained? How old are they and how
much experience do they have? Have they all had
background checks? Do they do drug testing? Remember,
that these staff members will have close interaction
with your children. You need to make sure the staff is
qualified and well-trained.
4. Camping Accreditation
Is the camp you are considering accredited through the
American Camp Association? If so, than the camp has met
or exceeded industry standards. That can give you a
little bit of peace of mind knowing that the camp has
abided by specific guidelines and is well equipped to
care for your child. As a former camper and camp
counselor, I can tell you that I have personally
benefited from participating in summer camp. Ann Sheets
contends that I am not alone stating that “camp allows
children to engage in free play which has proven to
reduce the risk of stress and anxiety.” She goes onto
say, “camp has been a part of the American scene for
over 150 years. ACA has been able to gather a great deal
of research that indicates that children who attend camp
develop essential skills that lead to becoming
responsible, stable adults. Camp helps children gain
self confidence and improve self esteem while exposing
them to new friends from differing backgrounds.”
For kids who are a little apprehensive about leaving and
may be prone to homesickness, Ann Sheets offers this
advice.
“If a child has not had experience spending the night
away, make sure that she practices by going on a couple
of overnights with friends or family. In addition,
explore having her attend camp with a friend and allow
them spend time with each other before they go. They can
talk about their upcoming experience and get excited
about the adventure. Finally, I would recommend staying
in contact with your child while she is away. Although
some camps allow for internet communication, I still
prefer the old fashioned letters and care packages. A
little taste of home will make them feel connected to
Mom and Dad and make them feel a little less lonely.”
I remember crying and wailing before going to camp.
However, it ended up being one of the best experiences
of my life. But more than the outdoor activities and
arts and crafts, what I remember most about my camp
experience were the friends I made, the boys I had
crushes on, and the care packages from home. Now that I
am a mom and will be sending my son off for his first
camp experience, I am trying to prepare him for his time
away.
I frankly don’t know why I worry. During a recent
conversation he said, “I bet it will be like when I
started kindergarten. You were the one crying, not me!”
I bet he’s right. But just in case, I started collecting
things for the care package. And rest assured, no cute
little 7 year-old girl is going to take his Mom’s place
as his Favorite Female if I have anything to say about
it. I’ll let Twix and Cheetos do most of the talking.
~~~~~~~~
PLAY BALL!
Cap?
Check!
Glove?
Check!
Bat?
Check!
Ball?
Check!
Water bottle?
Check!
Lawn chair?
Check!
I had it together! Last year, we never made a game
fully-equipped. However, this year was going to be
different. I had everything prepared for the first
baseball game of the season. The pre-season was tough –
three practices a week and an optional two-hour batting
practice. This is a serious baseball team and I was
going to be seriously prepared.
I load up the kids and we are off to the ball park. On
the way, my youngest takes a sip of the water bottle and
spills it all over the floor of the car. Frustrated, but
still determined to have a successful night, I promise
to buy another water bottle at the game. We arrive at
the field in time for warm-ups. I look at my son and
realize something is missing.
“Where is your baseball cap?” He shrugs and says, “I
don’t know”. I cry, “You had it on your head when we
were walking to the car!! What did you do with it??”. “I
don’t know”, he replies. The coach offers to let him
wear his baseball cap for the game. Embarrassed, I
accept his offer and glare at my son while I position
the over-sized cap on his head.
Colton enters into the batting cage. The coach stops him
and looks at me and says, “Is this Colton’s bat?” I nod,
not knowing where he was going with this. “This looks
like a 1.8 inch bat and he needs a 2.5 inch bat.” I
immediately start to blame my husband (who happens to be
out of town). After all, he bought the damn thing and
how the hell should I know the difference between a 1.8
inch and 2.5 inch bat. Looking helpless, the coach
offers his son’s bat as a substitute for the evening.
The game begins and Colton is up to bat. He did well in
batting practice and I felt confident he would at least
get on first base. SWING. “STRIKE ONE!” SWING. “STRIKE
TWO!” SWING. “STRIKE THREE!” It was over so quickly and
my heart sank. Trying to be supportive, I yell, “Good
Swinging Colton!”
One of the moms (who gave me one of her extra water
bottles and witnessed me borrowing the baseball cap and
baseball bat) smiled sympathetically as we watched my
son return to the dug out. “Is this your first baseball
season?” “Yes” I lied, “we’re still trying to get the
hang of this.”
~~~~~~~~
SUMMER ROAD TRIP TIPS!
“Are we there yet?” was the cry from the back seat. My
husband and I glanced at each other and I whimpered a
little. After all, we had only been in the car for 15
minutes and we had four hours and twenty-two minutes to
go.
I must confess, I was not very prepared. We tried
counting cows and played twenty questions, but by the
time we rolled into our destination, my husband and I
were no longer speaking and both kids were crying. I
learned a valuable lesson and that I hope to pass on to
others who are preparing for their summer road trip.
Here are a few tips:
Movie
Time
For those of you sentimental types who want to repeat
childhood memories and road trip the old fashioned way ,
I am here to say, it’s not worth it. We recently bought
a new minivan that has a DVD player installed. Without
question, this feature was worth the price of the car.
Take advantage of the technological progress that has
been made and invest in a portable DVD player. It will
make the time pass faster for both grown-ups and kids. I
would also recommend including some old family movies
within their movie selections. Kids love to watch
themselves and will get as much enjoyment out of
Christmases past as they will Sponge Bob repeats.
Car
Games
There are some wonderful car games that you can include
on your road trip. Check out
www.momsminivan.com. There you will find 101 Car
Travel Games and Road Trip Ideas for Kids. These include
printable bingo cards, lists for scavenger hunts, and
tips for making a homemade travel journal. Have your
kids browse this website with you and select games that
sound like fun. Also, an old fashioned deck of cards can
kill at least thirty minutes with a game of “Go Fish” or
“Old Maid”.
Eat,
Drink and Be Merry!
Road trips are the best time to munch! Pack the car with
road trip goodies like cold drinks, fruit and crackers.
Food is one of the best boredom killers and time will
pass more quickly when snacks are available. Also, let
your kids be part of the packing before you go. That way
they will know where to reach for the Goldfish so you
don’t have to hunt for them from the front seat.
Pull
Over – Frequently!
Now I know for most men, stopping for any reason goes
against their nature. For men, it’s typically not about
the journey – it is all about the destination. Using
whatever means possible, Moms need to charm their
husbands into taking frequent breaks along the way.
Although I know dining at the “Golden Arches” is not a
grown-up favorite, if they have a playground area, eat
your Big Mac and say thank you. Your kids can burn off
all of the energy that has been stored due to three
hours of sitting. Let them spend thirty minutes playing
and running around. It will make the next three hours
more bearable. Using these tips will help make the whole
road trip experience more bearable. Don’t feel guilty
about taking extra measures, like movies and
french-fries, to keep the kids entertained so that you
can watch the road or read the map. Also, don’t forget –
YOU ARE ON VACATION! A little pre-road trip preparation
will ensure a fun family holiday for everyone –
including you!
|
